


Sleeping with a dog in bed

by goddamnitaisha



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Somewhat Pining, Somewhat funny, plz let Orochimaru sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 22:53:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15181124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddamnitaisha/pseuds/goddamnitaisha
Summary: Orochimaru tries to sleep romantically with the handsome Sakumo, but Sakumo keeps him awake by being the most obnoxious mattress neighbour. Will Orochimaru get goddamn sleep?Tumblr anon asked, "How would Orochimaru react if the person he's sharing the bed with (both romantically or not) either snores, drools on him,  kicks him suddenly, moves too much, etc?"





	Sleeping with a dog in bed

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr anon asked, "How would Orochimaru react if the person he's sharing the bed with (both romantically or not ) either snores, drools on him, kicks him suddenly, moves too much, kicks him off the bed, has their hand or hands on his privates or on his butt unintentionally, or sleep talks loudly?"

Hatake Sakumo was a beast in bed. Literally. Orochimaru couldn’t get a minute of sleep. There was always something. 

He had been pining after the White Fang for weeks. It was not romance, just empty obsession of the sexual kind. And obsession with power too, as Sakumo was an acknowledged legend. His body was trained to mouth-watering degree. 

Yesterday Orochimaru had been seated on Sakumo’s two-person bed in the master bedroom as Sakumo packed his bag. Orochimaru had relished in the opportunity. He had talked at length and without interruption about the five-component construction of kilometre traps, that Sakumo had found only mildly interesting. Then whenever Sakumo would bend over, Orochimaru had resorted to sudden silence or dumb self-conforming noises. That afternoon every item seemed to have been on the bottom self.

If it wasn’t the ninja-dogs trying to get into the bedroom just as Orochimaru was upping his flirting game, then it was the ninja dogs following them around on this two-man mission. He had wanted to be alone with Sakumo, seven hells. 

He was now sharing a camp bed with Sakumo under the stars. Mattresses pushed together. The ninja dogs were sniffing out the enemy. Strategically positioned snakes kept guard against unwanted guests. This night would have been perfect. 

“The stars are beautiful tonight, aren’t they?” Orochimaru had that line straight from Jiraiya. (”Who are you going to use it on, come on, tell me!”) He lay on his back, and shuffled closer to his handsome companion.  _Just as beautiful as you._

“That means it’s time to sleep. Goodnight.” Sakumo said. He turned his back to Orochimaru. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Orochimaru didn’t know what to say. He lay still. He missed the ability to protest. _How dare he. After all this effort-!_

Orochimaru veered up. He would tell Sakumo just that.  

Sakumo was asleep.  _Asleep! Already?!_

Orochimaru slammed his back onto the mattress, and it shook both beds. That made Sakumo begin making a tiny wheeze at every inhale. Then next, a tiny snore. Ten minutes later it was a louder snore and Orochimaru wondered if any ninja in the vicinity could please come kill them both. If they had any grain of decency, they would show up within thirty minutes. 

He tried to move Sakumo’s limbs. No success. He tried to roll Sakumo over to a different pose, but he was heavy and Orochimaru found his body distracting. It was a nicer pastime to run his hand over Sakumo’s arm than to try and push him to move. 

Eventually he folded Sakumo’s elbow over his own nose and mouth to try and muffle the sound of snoring. It worked for, say, five minutes. 

Orochimaru was at the edge of sleep when suddenly Sakumo started moving. 

He turned on his other side. He turned on his other side. He seemed to have found his spot. He didn’t snore.  

 _If I don’t watch out, he might kick me in his sleep._ Orochimaru pulled the blankets to his chin and looked at the stars. After three minutes of stillness from both of them, his eyes began to sag shut. 

Sakumo stretched a leg. Then curled the other. He took the elbow-muffle-system apart by stretching an arms and lay like an X. His hand hit Orochimaru right in the face. 

The slap made Orochimaru instantly awake again. His nose hurt. He took the hand off, sat up.  _This is a nightmare,_ Orochimaru thought.   _Lay still!_ He reached out for his backpack and took out a sealing pen. With black chakra ink, he wrote STICKY in kanji on the hand. Whatever it would touch next, that’s where it would stay for the next four hours. He threw it back at Sakumo. 

Sakumo didn’t wake up. 

 _Of course,_  Orochimaru thought.  _If I wasn’t so damn invested in you, I would have dragged my bedroll away by now._ But he  **had** to have Sakumo. This terror couldn’t possibly last all night. He reasoned this had to be the REM sleep, and that it would normalise soon. 

He lay down on his back. He spread his hair over the pillow and pulled up the sheets. He lay perfectly comfortable, one hand under his pillow. The world was quiet. He could try to sleep. He was asleep for maybe ten minutes and then woke up. 

Sakumo had tossed over, and was now drooling on Orochimaru’s upper arm. 

Orochimaru sighed deeply. He had worked with enough alive and dead bodies to not be disgusted by drool any more. There were worse fluids. He tugged his arm away. 

He got an hour of sleep. 

This time when he woke up, it was because he was so very warm and he felt pulling. He was on his side, facing away from that shithead. He had the blankets down to his waist. He felt something against his back, against the insides of his knees, and at the back of his neck. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to know that Sakumo was spooning him.

The pulling on his chest was Sakumo’s sleep movement. He had his arm slung around Orochimaru’s waist. He was trying to pull his hand away and find yet  _another_ position, but his hand was stuck. This was the hand with the ‘sticky’ seal. It had attached itself to Orochimaru’s pyjama shirt. 

 _Great,_ he thought venomously. He hated this.  _Four hours of this position. Ugh._ But when Sakumo stopped to move, he found this pose actually kind of nice. It was warm. His back felt protected. The embrace made him feel warm in his heart in a way that had nothing to do with the usual lust he experienced. He chose to trick himself, told his dreamful mind that they were genuine boyfriends. 

That was a nice thought to fall asleep by. He felt a little loved. 

 _Did I sleep? I can’t tell… so I probably did._ It was getting light at the horizon. Orochimaru put his eye shut again. He didn’t know what had woken him up.  _I don’t feel rested at all… I’d better go back to sleep._

He was almost asleep, when he felt movements again. He ignored them the best he could. Something hard was pressing against his behind.  _Sakumo’s morning boner. Whatever._  But the tiny hip moves were distracting.  _Just let me **sleep**. _

Sleeping Sakumo didn’t. 

Orochimaru, annoyed, ground his bum over the length. He did so until his back hollowed, arched, hollowed. By now he was so done, that if he had to draw out a fucking wet dream orgasm to get some sleep, then he would.  _I dare you. I double dare you._ And he lay still again. He exhaled. The movements had stopped. 

He never, ever, wanted to share a bed with Sakumo again. All attraction was over. 

“Oro….ch’…maru,” Sakumo, asleep, muttered against the back of his neck. 

_On top of all this shit, he’s a sleep talker! I swear. If he doesn’t lay still and shut up, I will drown him in the nearest lake. I’ll do this mission myself._

Sakumo nuzzled his nose into the roots of black hair. He put his open mouth to the bones of Orochimaru’s slender neck. He dragged his lips over the skin until he nipped. He kissed. “Do that grinding again.”

Orochimaru felt as if he’d been caught in the act.  _You were awake! You felt that!_ Heat rushed to his face. His cheeks, forehead, and ears burned. 

Sakumo pulled Orochimaru closer with one strong arm around him, easily making him slide a little over the mattress. He pressed their hips snugly together. His arse cheeks folded around the hard member, fitting like puzzle pieces. “Come on.”

“You’re a terror in bed,” Orochimaru hissed. “A beassst.”

“I intent to be.”

“That’sss not what I meant. You move too much, you drool, you snore-”

Sakumo rolled forward, interrupting his complaints. He squashed Orochimaru onto his tummy, and then remained laying on top of him. He was heavy and warm, and his mouth breathed out air just under Orochimaru’s ear. 

“Ssstop grinning,” he bit. 

“You can’t even see my face.” Sakumo’s morning voice was lower than usual. It sounded grittier. He then laughed with just his breath, no sound. 

“Get off me.”

“I’m a genius shinobi too, Orochimaru-san. It quickly figured out you like me. I did not know how to say it, or how to play it, because you act so cold. I waited for you to come up with something. But here we are. I suppose if you want to sleep come evening, we could… um, tire each other out first?”

“Either that, or a kiss from an orange ringneck. Two microliters of CCL40 should do.” 

“I would rather be kissed by  _you_.” Sakumo sounded worried. 

“Fuck me now, and then I’ll decide which option for tonight I like better.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment! 
> 
> I think the comments are what keep me uploading this stuff. I would like to hear 'I really enjoyed this!', if you're short on time. If you're a writer, I'd like to feedback on what sentence or moment made you FEEL an emotion. Let's make commenting a part of fanfiction consumption culture again! 
> 
> Kudos are welcome too. <3


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